Ep5: How to Build Confidence Even When You Feel Hopeless

While people can help guide us, for the most part building confidence is a singular affair. It can feel confusing and you may think you aren’t making progress. Listen to this before you give up!

Episode Transcript


Hey there and welcome to, I Can I Am I Will. The world’s number one podcast for confidence and self-empowerment. My name is Lyndsey. I am your confidence coach. And here, together with this podcast, we will discuss how you can stop limiting yourself to build your confidence and achieve great things.

I want to give you actionable advice that you can use in your life to build your confidence. To feel more self-assured. And so, you can have self-compassion and do the wonderful things that you want to do, but you’re not doing now because you feel stuck. Let’s get you unstuck.

Yesterday’s episode we talked about what digging up confidence means and why you need to dig up your confidence. So we’ll go into just a quick refresher. And then we’re going to talk about being rejected and how rejection can hurt our confidence and hinder us when we are trying to build it.

First, I will ask you to please like, comment, share, leave reviews. All that good stuff please. I’d really appreciate it. You’re helping me out and I love this community. Thank you so much for helping me out.

We All Have an Inherent Confidence

OK let’s get into it. So when I say that you are digging up your confidence, I am referring to the fact that every single person has confidence within them but then they were just dig it up. And we need to dig it up because sometimes our confidence can be pushed down, or we can push it aside, or we can reject our confidence. And the reason why we might reject our confidence, our true selves, is because we’ve been rejected. Which I understand can sound kind of confusing. Just hear me out here.

So in our current culture and world, being weird can be considered a bad thing. For me personally if someone said, “would you rather be normal or weird?” I mean weird all the way. What is normal anyway? But we’re not here to discuss that. This is not like a binary thing, like weird versus normal people. We are accepting of all people here. Because when you are confident you accept everyone and you love everyone. Because you see them as who they naturally are. They are a being deserving of confidence, just like you are.

However, unfortunately, in our current world people who are considered weird or different may feel like they are being rejected from the group. For instance, Steve Jobs. When he was first starting out he worked at Hewlett-Packard. I’m pretty sure. And he did not wear deodorant and kind of smell bad. And he was kind of weird. People thought he was weird. So he got pushed to the night shift. Now could you imagine Steve Jobs when he was still around, people pushing him to the night shift? No they wanted him on stage. Everyone loved him. Because in our current society you are weird until you’re not. You’re weird until enough people believe in you that you’re not weird anymore.

You Are Not Broken

So what we need to do is to continually believe in ourselves. Even if other people think we’re weird, or treat us differently, because they think we’re weird. Because when other people treat us differently, because they think we may be weird, they are rejecting us from the pack and that can hurt. And we can take that in an internalize that, and think that there’s something wrong with us. But usually there’s not anything wrong with you.

It’s the whole societal thing where people think they’re broken. That’s weird. That we think we’re broken. We’re not broken. You are who you are. You were born this way. Lady Gaga, come on y’all. Did we not learn anything? Did she wear those heels and that meat outfit for nothing? Have we not learned?

So when we are rejected there can be pain. And it can feel painful just as much as physical pain. Because rejection triggers the same area of your brain as if you are in physical pain, and the reason for that is because we are creatures who used to run in packs. We are social creatures now, as always, but we used to run in packs. And if you were pushed away from the pack or out of the pack you could have likely died. Because you could be by yourself and there could be a Saber tooth Tiger somewhere.

Rejection Hurts but Does Not Mean You Are Broken

Now we do not deal with the Saber tooth Tigers. But we are still social. So we want to get along with the pack. And if someone thinks we are weird or if we are made fun of then we feel rejected. We can feel a physical pain. And what do we do when we feel pain? We find the cause of the pain and we try to fix it. So in our mind, in our mentality, we can start to tell ourselves a story about ourselves. A not so kind story. We can say that our weirdness, who we actually are —which really I’m sure isn’t even that weird—but who we are, we can reject that. And think that who we are is not enough, and we need to be something else in order to be accepted.

When really you just didn’t find the right pack. Because there are people who will accept you. There are people out there who like the same things as you, and who will be accepting of you. But when you don’t have that, and you don’t have a support system or a pack who appreciates you as who you are, then you may feel rejected. And with that you can feel like you need to change who you are.

Who you are naturally is confident. So if you change who you are, then you are moving away from your confident place. And that is what I’m talking about when I say digging up confidence. We’re also talking about who you naturally are before you got criticized for certain things. Before you got made fun of for who you were. Because when you are confident, when you are in tune with who you naturally are, there is that confident, that confident state. And when you are confident like that you will find other people who appreciate you for who you are. And right now I just want to say that I appreciate you for who you are.

Confidence Close

But seriously, I do, I really appreciate that you were showing up for yourself, listening to this podcast, figuring out this whole confidence stuff. How to build your confidence and work through all of this stuff from your past. And all of this stuff from the world and mindset shifts.

It’s hard work and you are doing it. I say I’m going to show you how to do the thing, you are already doing the thing. I’m so proud of you. And we’re going to keep going.

So for tomorrow I am going to continue talking about digging up confidence. It’s becoming like a mini-series within the 100 podcasts in 100 days series. Was not expecting this, but I like where we’re heading. Because you really need to consider what is keeping you from that confident state and it is likely your mindset.

And your mindset has been created from your environment. And sometimes our environment can bring us down if we’re not feeling confident. And if you aren’t feeling confident then how can you build your confidence up? It’s kind of like a catch 22. But we’re going to solve that. We’re going to fix that. And you are going to be on a confident path you are already there.

All right so we’re going to end with our iffirmations as always. You can say them with me, or you can just listen to them. You can do whatever you want. Live your dreams. Are you ready?

I can.

I am.

I will.

Alright I’ll see you tomorrow.

Watch on You Tube

Leave a Reply

Enjoy 50% when you preorder cognitive distortion workbooks browse workbooks
%d bloggers like this: