Ep38: Boundaries Are Self Care

It’s time to level-up your self care. Put down the bath bomb and put up some boundaries.

Episode Transcript
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Episode Transcript

Note: The podcast is not scripted and is transcribed using software. The transcript is nearly verbatim but may not be exact. It may include edits for ease of reading and/or minor grammatical errors.


Welcome to I Can, I Am, I Will the podcast designed to encourage you and help you build your confidence and your self-empowerment.

In the next few episodes, we are going to discuss a very important topic and a concept that is really going to help you show yourself that you are worthy and deserving.

A concept that is also going to help you build your confidence and feel empowered. In the next few episodes, we’re going to discuss boundaries. We’re going to go into what boundaries are, I’m going to give you some examples of what boundaries are using a television show, and I’m also going to give you some tips on how to establish and have others adhere to your boundaries.

All of this is coming from someone who has been there before—me! And someone who learned about boundaries a few years ago and learning about boundaries has changed my life in the most positive and beneficial way.

The Importance of Boundaries

I’m so excited to share this with you. Even if you already think you know what boundaries are, I highly recommend you still listen. Because it doesn’t hurt to hear a different perspective about a concept or a topic. You might hear something that pings something in your mind and then it will help you to establish boundaries in your life.

This is a very important topic, it’s really going to help you out in every area of your life, personal, professional every single area of your life.

We are going to change the world. We’re going to be empowered and confident!

For those of you who are new here at my name is Lyndsey. I am a confidence and self-empowerment. Everything we talk about here are things that I have used to build my confidence and to feel empowered.

Before we begin make sure to like and hit that subscribe button. You can go to my website at canamwill.com there are transcripts, there’s also a contact form. I would love to hear from you, hear your thoughts.

Someone reached out to me and told me that I helped give them a perspective and I helped them get unstuck and move forward. I love hearing that it keeps me energized.

I also want to know is there anything I can improve upon? Is there something that you want to hear me talk about? Are you annoyed with me saying and all the time—I’m working on that annoyed with it too.

But seriously if there’s any topic you want to hear me discuss, if you have any questions about something, if you’re going through something in your in your life, if you have an interview coming up and you want to feel confident in your interview, or you have a particular situation and you want to feel empowered, let me know.

I would love to do an episode on someone’s question please I reach out. OK now let the begging portion is over let’s begin our talk about boundaries.

Getting Unstuck and Feeling Empowered

Like I said boundaries are super important topic to talk about, and to understand, and to focus on in your life if you want to: get unstuck, feel good about who you are, feel confident, feel empowered, have healthy relationships, want to connect with other people, want to connect with yourself—self-love.

Boundaries are really just so important. They are the foundation or you can call them like a pillar of self-love, of feeling worthy and deserving of confidence of self-empowerment.

The typical or common definition is that boundaries are rules of how you will allow other people to treat you. So there are ways that you suggest to other people that it is appropriate for them to treat you. An example would be say that you had a nickname when you were a kid. And when you get older you no longer want to have that nickname, you don’t want your family to call you that nickname anymore.

Related article: The #1 Way to Build Confidence

Examples of Setting Boundaries

Say you were called booger as a kid and now you’re in your 20s and your parents are calling you booger and you prefer them not—I don’t blame you. But I also would think it was funny if I met someone and his family called him booger—I think it would be super cute.

Anyway, say you don’t want to be called that so you tell your parents, “hey not really digging it anymore, would really appreciate if you would stop calling me booger.”

You are setting a boundary. You are setting a guideline, a rule for other people. I feel like rules sound so crass and so rigid, I guess more guideline will be about better way to explain it.

So you’re setting a guideline, “hey if you want to treat me right, and if you want to treat me in a way that I think is respectful, then you would stop calling me booger”.

And you don’t say that you’re establishing the boundary. Establishing the boundary is saying, “hey if you want to treat me in a way that I think is respectful then you would do this”.

Boundaries could also be a physical thing, instead of verbal. For example, taking your shoes off when you come into someone’s house. So in my home I ask people to take their shoes off. Not a lot of Americans do this.

I am very adamant about it so when you come in my home you take your shoes off or you don’t come in. I mean it’s really that simple. That’s my boundary, that is a boundary that I uphold in my home. If you want to treat me with respect and my physical space with respect you are going to take your shoes off or you’re you’re outta here.

A Different Perspective of Boundaries

I like to think of boundaries another way as well. Boundaries are a sign to ourselves; we are showing ourselves that we are worthy, we are deserving, we have preferences, we have things that we like, we have dislikes, and we are allowing others to know this about us so they have the best opportunity to connect with us.

Because when you are establishing boundaries, it can feel really heavy. I know personally it can feel like very uncomfortable, especially if you’re not an assertive person. Or if you’re trying to get over people pleasing tendencies setting boundaries can feel nerve wracking.

So I like to look at it as if you are giving someone the opportunity to get to know you, and you are opening yourself up and giving someone the opportunity to connect with you. Now people are not always going to adhere to your boundaries.

And if they don’t that that’s fine. Because a way you can see that, instead of thinking they’re not adhering to my boundaries they don’t respect me, instead of going to that strong emotional state, you can literally think, “OK I’m setting these boundaries because I’m giving someone the opportunity to connect with me, they’re not adhering to these boundaries because they don’t want to connect with me.”

And that’s fine not everyone is going to like each other and not everyone is going to connect with everyone else. I love that way of thinking; I would love for you to consider that too. And to take that in, and to consider what boundaries are.

Previous episode: Ep37: A Keanu Reeves Approved, Wholesome Podcast

Boundaries Series

We’re going to go into them in the next probably 4 episodes. We’re going to do something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. We’re going to use an example from TV. Because I feel like that is like the best storytelling, why retell a story that has already been told so well?

So I was watching Breaking Bad, and I saw an episode where boundaries were clearly not adhere to. The character ended up suffering greatly for not adhering to his own boundaries. I want to give that example to help you really understanding and get a good grasp of what boundaries are.

They can be pretty complex, especially when you’re establishing them for the first time. That is what we’re going to do tomorrow, we’re going to learn how Gus from Breaking Bad can teach us about boundaries. I really think that using TV and pop culture is going to help drill in these concepts that can be difficult to really accept into your life. They are easy to understand but then when you’re working on them in real time it can be so tough.

So I wanted to show you an example, I mean not real life but from a TV show. We’ll do that tomorrow. With that we’re going to end with “I” affirming statements. You can say them with me now, or you cannot, you can do whatever you want—you’re a powered. Are you ready?

I can,

I am,

I will.

Have a good day.

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