Let’s be clear, overgeneralizations are toxic. So typically, saying all men secretly want one thing, would be toxic as fuck. But! Life is complex. And there is actually one thing every man wants in a partner, well, every man who isn’t toxic.
It’s kind of boring and I am sorry to be anticlimactic here, but every man, strike that, every non-toxic man worthy of your attention wants one thing in a partner: for their partner to be true to themselves.
I know, I know, this sounds boring and you probably wish there was one thing like “long hair” so you could grow your hair long or buy a wig, attract every man and call it a day. But a healthy connection doesn’t work that way. And you want healthy connections in your life, so keep reading.
(In this article you will learn: why current “What Every Man Wants” lists are toxic (and dumb as fuck), what every non-toxic man actually wants (you to be true to yourself), why they want you to be true to yourself, and what that would look like.)
Why Current “What Every Man Wants” Lists Are Toxic and Dumb as Fuck
We’re all the same when it comes to basic needs like food, shelter, love, being heard and understood. But we differ when it comes to preferences and who we like, and that’s OK.
You could be the sweetest peach, but not everybody loves peaches, babe
Not everyone is going to like everyone else. We are different, life is complex. So one man’s ideal partner could be another man’s hard pass. It happens.
It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with either person; it means they have different preferences.
But lists like “What Men Want” overgeneralize and reduce a complex world. Usually dumb as shit like this one on Forbes, “What Men Want” lists overgeneralize and say men want a woman who has a desire for children (eye roll).
Do writers at Forbes really not know that some men want to be child free? I mean the numbers don’t lie, vasectomy rates are skyrocketing.
So while these lists have some bearing when they say things like “a man wants a partner who is driven”, mostly they are too overgeneralized and dated to give any substantial advice. They will leave you feeling stressed and like you are not enough.
(Which is exactly what the writers of these lists want. If they can convince you that you aren’t good enough they can sell you products to make you “good enough” aka products they make money on)
What Every Non-Toxic Man Actually Wants
Not really a secret in the literal sense that it is “not meant to be known”. But a secret because a lot of people are steered so wrong. There is one thing that all non-toxic men secretly want in their partner, and that is for you to be yourself.
I clarify “non-toxic” because there are toxic men who overgeneralize and create trivial rules for what they think women “should” be.
Like the dudes who say they think women shouldn’t lift weights or should only have long hair. Those dudes are super toxic. And you don’t want someone who overgeneralizes and thinks that their limiting preference determines the attractiveness of all women.
Not only is it toxic… it’s really, really (and I cannot stress this enough) REALLY fucking weird.
And let’s be real here, typically those types of toxic dudes would fall in love with any woman who would give them the time of day long hair or not.
Not only toxic boys, toxic marketing and beauty industry will try and make you think you need to buy a certain thing or look a certain way to obtain your ideal partner. But your ideal partner, a healthy man, doesn’t care about that stuff.
Why Non-Toxic Men Want You to Be True to Yourself
Healthy men want their partner to be true to themselves because when you focus on what you want and what you like you do things that make you happy. This happiness will beam out of you and others will feel happy and comfortable around you.
Not only do non-toxic men want their partner to be happy. They put their partner’s happiness above their personal preferences. So a non-toxic man who likes women with longer hair will be happy when they see their partner beaming and excited over their new short do.
What It Looks Like for You to Be True to Yourself
We live in a society that tells us to be true to ourselves while also telling us to be like everyone else and to follow trivial “rules”.
So we are told to follow our passions and do the things we enjoy… only if those things are typical for our age or gender.
And we are told to wear our hair how we like.. only if it is trending. And we are told we are beautiful… and also that we need to spend hundreds and thousands on beauty products.
Being true to yourself looks like following your passion no matter what other people say. For example, wearing clothes and your hair the way you like because you like it and it makes you feel good.
For me it is working out and weight lifting even though more than a few boys have told me “men don’t like women who work out.” And it was cutting my hair into a pixie cut even though some boys and women told me “men don’t like women with short hair.”
Being true to yourself is also defining what you need in a relationship and knowing what you want. It is confidently and unapologetically saying you like a lot of communication with your partner.
Being true to yourself is knowing that someone who says you are being difficult for asking for what you are worth is a toxic person.
You can be true to yourself by finding things you are interested in and seeing how you can pursue them (free classes, read books, etc). You can also start by thinking about the qualities you want in an ideal partner and what that would look like.
I Love This Story for You
Dating and relationships are tough. But your relationship status does not define your worth. And when you are true to yourself, you will be happy no matter what your status and you will attract healthier connections.
This is how I live my life and I am happier than ever. I used to worry about what guys thought and feel I wasn’t “good enough”. But people are different, and I can’t control what they like. While one boy thinks it is inappropriate that I lift weights another one loves it.
But that’s none of my concern. Because I am not here to please everyone. And if you are trying to please others you will stress yourself out. So focus on pleasing you and you will be happy. And if someone has a problem with that. If someone doesn’t want you to be happy, what value can they actually add to your life?
So ignore those toxic dweebs who make generalization and try to insinuate their preference is the ideal partner. Because to them, the ideal partner is subservient not an equal… who the fuck has time for that shit?
Photo by Mike Von