- All-or-nothing thinking is a mental filter that can negatively affect your confidence
- When you know what all-or-nothing thinking is and point it out in your environment you will reduce it
- Here we talk about all-or-nothing thinking negatively impacting Madonna’s confidence
Madonna’s all-or-nothing thinking
An example of a celebrity thinking in all-or-nothing terms is a Page Six article titled “Madonna in ‘crisis of confidence’ after breakup, face controversy at Grammys.”
The article outlines Madonnas shaken confidence after a breakup and public comments about her appearance—two events likely compacting each other.
A source close to Madonna said: “She said no one cared that she was in the room, and it used to be so different for her,” said the source. “She’s never been out of favor for so long.”
“Never” and “no one”, while not always relating to all-or-nothing thinking, are common indicators of all-or-nothing thinking.
How it harms
Madonna is using a negative filter when she thinks “no one cares”. And thinking “no one cares” will lead to destress and sadness because the words you tell yourself define reality.
It will also tell the brain to collect evidence to support the negative thought.
If you think no one cares, you might focus on how your friend didn’t call you back when they said they would. And you might ignore the helpful people around you who do care.
This all creates a negative spiral that leads down a stressful and hurtful path.
Even though the negatively filtered thoughts like all-or-nothing thinking are harming you, they are familiar, so you feel comfortable in the hurtful space.
How to correct
The way to correct unhelpful thoughts is awareness that it is effecting you and then working towards correction.
You correct by stopping the thoughts in real time and replacing them with more productive thoughts. An example in this situation would be replacing “no one cares” with “even though it feels like no one cares, and there likely are people who do not care, there are people who do care.”
Then you would focus on the helpers, the people who care. And when you identity the people who care, you can cultivate those relationships, strengthening them and building a stronger support system.
Feelings and thoughts are not facts. Even though it may feel like no one cares, and even if you can’t find any evidence, realize that you care, and sometimes, that’s enough.
Photo by Alexander Grey
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